The Heavy Stuff

From my experience in life and study, I have come to some basic elements of why we struggle mentally.

Traumatic experiences - Trauma is not what happened to you, it is what happened inside you, as a result of what happened to you. [Dr. Gabor Maté]. This is the emotional pain that stays with us.
You may have been involved in a traumatic event or upbringing that has now become etched into your emotional body. You may be ignoring it or trying to cope with it but you know something is still there.
An example is, being bullied at school (especially around 7-12 years old). This is something out of your control. And if you couldn’t tell anyone or find anyone to help you, you kept it to yourself. You became isolated, scared and alone, with no way out. A very lonely place for a little child.

We can talk about these traumatic events and how it was for you. Each experience is uniquely yours. The awareness and understanding of how this was for you, can help you reduce the pain, shame or blame that you are still carrying around with you.

Parents and our upbringing - Childhood can go 2 ways.
1. You got everything you wanted and needed. You got to express our emotions freely and you were allowed to be your authentic self. Lovely, you are one of the lucky humans.
2. Your needs and wants were not met, for what YOU needed. Your parents weren’t available because of their own traumas or they just didn’t know what you needed. They didn’t let you be you. They told you how to be and how they wanted you to do things. And you had to 'go along’.

To stay alive, you must attach to your parents. You need basic things to physically stay alive. If you don’t get these, you are neglected and you could die.
But we also need to be emotionally attached. If you weren’t able or allowed to express your emotions freely, without judgement, blame or shame, then your authentic self was not allowed to come forward.
You have to stay attached but you also want & need to be your authentic self, your personality and Who You Are.
To keep all this going, we need to please our parents, even if we don’t always get what we want. But we keep trying to get it and will return to our parents, even if they are the ones neglecting us. The power of attachment will override our need to be our authentic self. Which seems crazy but this is what happens.
When these things become un-matched - Attachment & Authentic Self - we become mentally un-well.
You may be a perfectionist or anxious, still trying to get your parents attention and trying to make it ‘right’ and trying to ‘fit in’.

Or you are depressed and you have given up and push down all your emotions.
ADD or ADHD can be explained in this way, by the Attention Deficit you received. You are now trying to be heard still because you weren’t at the time that you needed it, when you were developing as a child.

Each person has their own unique experience of growing up, which means that we need to get to know YOU and what it has been like for you.

This is all heavy stuff James, I hear you say, but what can we do?

You are already curious and interested.
That is all you need to start exploring your true authentic self. The real person inside.
I would enjoy helping you explore who that person is and why you could not be who you really want to be.

Here are a few videos that may explain some of it for you.

Gabor Maté – Authenticity vs. Attachment
http://bit.ly/3SxsLIe

Fraya Mortensen - Your Inner Child Needs You
https://bit.ly/4a7howI

And for a heavier overview of what all our struggles are about, this is a 30 minute video, which I would recommend you find a quiet moment to watch.
Chase Hughes - Why you can’t relax - Emotional DEBT
https://bit.ly/4pjtut1